Beautiful! This was a really creatively composed piece, and I love how you revealed details through the main narrator's message to the grandparents in a way that didn't feel contrived. I really like the content of Dante's letters, and how they begin to show signs of being more and more familiar with writing to this figure. Overall this is a really strong piece, I think there's a few things you could have made more concise but really strong overall! Nice work and thanks for participating! I hope to see you in the next one!
/ / > Someone here for fun and all that stuff!
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I’ll make you say how proud you are of me!
Shin Tsukimi
@shintsukimi205
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???
sonic’s schoolhouse
stop barging into my hous
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Comments
Hey, hey! Many thanks,
Looking back at it now I do see some stuff I could have definitely polished, but the fact that this was enough to garner an honorary mention is an honor in itself; This Writer’s Jam was a pretty damn good venture…
I’d love to do this again some other time! Thank you so much for checkin’ in and settin’ this whole thing up!
I am not sure if this is supposed to be completely original or set in some existing fandom or some historical events? I feel like the reader is supposed to know something, some preceding history that is not explained in the piece. The writing itself is good and the inner conflict of the characters is presented masterfully. However, I mostly felt confused. What was the intention behind this? Why this narrating person was entrusted with these letters? Maybe I missed some between the lines senses and hints, but I can't say I got any particular message or emotion from reading.
This one’s completely original!
I get the history parts though, since they were added for a little bit more depth on background—stuff like family history and some bits of history of the world (at the time of writing it). The story is entirely focused on the conflict of Dante being able to vent more easily (yet somewhat less “cohesively”/“structured-ly”) over time, despite the time gaps; To put it into some perspective, he isn’t complaining about the presence of “Your Majesty”, but about his “father”.
And the reason for the trust factor being there and why he’s able to casually reach out to Mr. and Ms. Balthyne, is because Merlot and Dante are pretty much friends (and if I remember correctly, Merlot is most likely his only friend)! There’s some more depth to it, but that’s an ENTIRELY different story that we’ll hopefully be able develop soon.
Thanks for leaving some input on the piece, though—it’s much appreciated! If you’re ever curious about some other pieces of the “story” going on (whether it be questions about the lore or some more remarks you’d like to say), then you’re more than welcome!
shintsukimi205
If you’ve read up to this point? Many thanks for checkin’ this entry out ? I figure I should use this opportunity to relay a few things:
The chosen theme for this entry was “LEGACY”, and the word count should be a good “2969 words”;
I’d like to also thank my friend Charon for being by my side for basically the entire trip! — with helping me decide the entry (and the flow of it, pretty much), reviewing/criticizing the entry, and for even prompting the first line of the poem.